Q: What do Glenn Frey, Iron Chef America, Stephen Chow and Eric Clapton have in common?A: Guest Blogger: Passenger 58
(As I ease back into things from my vacation, here's a guest blog by Larry Chin, a.k.a. Passenger 58, the author of the incredibly deep Martial Artist's Guide to Hong Kong Films. - Ron)
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Is there anything more embarrassing than Glenn Frey mewling "Euhhhh, Toyota! T-O-Y! O-T-A!" in the California Toyota dealership commercials? How far Eagles fall.
The only question is, did Glenn Frey lobby for the job to write, play and sing the awful track, or was he just the celebrity plug-in, because someone at the ad agency wanted to impress the client with trip to Hollywood to freak with Mr. Smuggler's Blues for an afternoon, and leave with the guy's autograph?
Scary thought: somewhere in a sound studio, there is a tape that contains dozens of different versions of him mewling "Euhhh, Toyota!" with slightly different emphasis on "Euhhh", "Eeeuhhhhhh", "ToyOHlta!", "TOYota"etc., and the muffled sound of account executives asking him to change it to fit different spot timings or taking issue with something assinine. "Uh, Glenn, that was a good one, but...we want a little more, uh...enthusiasm...as in, surprise or delight...on the 'Oh'."
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Iron Chef America. Jeez.
Take overrated Food Channel chefs (none of whom are in the same class as international counterparts), bring on biased and cuisine-stupid American judges (and add one pompous, venmous turd who eats with his fork reversed, with his elbows on the table, Jeffrey Steingarten), hire a "host" who serves virtually no function (martial artist, B-film star Mark Dacascos) except to yell "Allez Cuisine!" (which is non-language), and you have a program as rigged as American presidential elections.
Of course, the American Irons win every time. When you have judges who refuse to eat a piece of sashimi because "they prefer their fish cooked", it's over. It's over anyway.
A while back, I said Bobby Flay is an asshole. He is still an asshole, a totally arrogant piece of shit. To hell with his predictable blue corn and salsa, and predictable dipping sauce tricks.
Frankly, all the celebrities on Food Channel are annoying and unworthy of their cult followings. I lobby for a new dictionary definition for "annoying": Rachael Ray. And, does anyone need Sandra Lee to teach us how to open packages?
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People ask me all the time, "what do you think of Stephen Chow (Sing Chi)?", "why don't you review 'Shaolin Soccer' or 'Kung Fu Hustle'?", etc. Simple answer: I don't like him. Never have, never will. I feel somewhat the same about Jackie Chan, though Jackie belongs in a much higher echelon.
The common thread with both is that they are funny men who have benefitted from a comedy niche, and with all that popularity, they have been blessed with mega-budgets and power. And that in turn has given them near-complete dominance in today's very sad martial arts film universe. What they say, goes, and sells like wildfire, even when it is high-production value garbage.
All I can say is, it ain't about them. Not to people who have the discerning eye.
Special effects, loudness, laughs, severe undercranking, hot wire work, flying, and Yuen Woo Ping choreographed trickery do not disguise the fact that some stars (Chow, Chow Yan Fat, hell, Keanu Reaves) don't belong in the same breath as the real deal. Take away all of that expensive production, put them in an empty room. If you can't wow an audience that way, then get out of the way. Get out of the way for the guys who can---the Bruce Lees, the Donnie Yens, the Sammo Hungs, the Jet Li's.
Legions of great martial artists and martial performers in film as well as Chinese television---who build the foundation upon which freeloaders and band-wagon drivers are squatting---remain disrespected and unknown (relative to Chow and Jackie). To a person, these are the ones who could wipe the floor with Stephen Chow---and look good doing it.
Old school is the only school.
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Not just one, but two, SBC commercials (one TV, one radio) feature Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight". I don't know which agency or creative team is responsible (nor do I really give a shit), but it is annoying, from the all-time overrated Clapton, the painfully tired dumb guy-scared-of-girlfriend-he-must-impress schticks, and the misuse of "Wonderful Tonight".
Clapton, a legendary pitiful head case and junkie, had an obsessive jones about Pattie Boyd, when Boyd was married to George Harrison. He penned the ferocious "Layla", about loving a married woman (Boyd). Eventually, Boyd left Harrison for Clapton, but the relationship soured. Clapton wrote "Wonderful Tonight" at the end of the affair, in an angry mood. Clapton himself said:
"Wonderful Tonight" has a little bit of irony in it. I didn't write it in a particular good mood. I wrote it because my wife was late getting ready to go out. I was in a foul temper about it." (Rolling Stone, 25 August 1988)
This irony was undoubtedly lost, to both the creative team as well as the SBC clients.
" Wonderful Tonight" is not a "tender ballad". It is not a love song. It is a hate song. Play the song for a woman, as the SBC (radio) commercial suggests, and you are telling her that you want to wring her neck.
As for Clapton, he's a hell of a guitarist, I'll grant him that. I won't even blast him for being a shameless commercial sellout (he and Santana share this trait), because, okay, he's got drug recovery clinics to fund. And I will refrain from cringing at the thought of hearing "Tears in Heaven" (which became sickening after, oh, the first time I heard it) again.
The problem with Clapton is that he is the Great White Hope of blues guitarists, and who has made a career out of aping and following (but never surpassing) the greater black blues guitar legends before him---Freddie King, Albert King, etc. etc. I think he himself will admit this, even if his fans don't (and have no clue about much). He is also not the greatest rock guitarist or greatest Brit guitar god, or the greatest Yardbird. (Jeff Beck is.)
-------------------------
Is there anything more embarrassing than Glenn Frey mewling "Euhhhh, Toyota! T-O-Y! O-T-A!" in the California Toyota dealership commercials? How far Eagles fall.
The only question is, did Glenn Frey lobby for the job to write, play and sing the awful track, or was he just the celebrity plug-in, because someone at the ad agency wanted to impress the client with trip to Hollywood to freak with Mr. Smuggler's Blues for an afternoon, and leave with the guy's autograph?
Scary thought: somewhere in a sound studio, there is a tape that contains dozens of different versions of him mewling "Euhhh, Toyota!" with slightly different emphasis on "Euhhh", "Eeeuhhhhhh", "ToyOHlta!", "TOYota"etc., and the muffled sound of account executives asking him to change it to fit different spot timings or taking issue with something assinine. "Uh, Glenn, that was a good one, but...we want a little more, uh...enthusiasm...as in, surprise or delight...on the 'Oh'."
-------------------------
Iron Chef America. Jeez.
Take overrated Food Channel chefs (none of whom are in the same class as international counterparts), bring on biased and cuisine-stupid American judges (and add one pompous, venmous turd who eats with his fork reversed, with his elbows on the table, Jeffrey Steingarten), hire a "host" who serves virtually no function (martial artist, B-film star Mark Dacascos) except to yell "Allez Cuisine!" (which is non-language), and you have a program as rigged as American presidential elections.
Of course, the American Irons win every time. When you have judges who refuse to eat a piece of sashimi because "they prefer their fish cooked", it's over. It's over anyway.
A while back, I said Bobby Flay is an asshole. He is still an asshole, a totally arrogant piece of shit. To hell with his predictable blue corn and salsa, and predictable dipping sauce tricks.
Frankly, all the celebrities on Food Channel are annoying and unworthy of their cult followings. I lobby for a new dictionary definition for "annoying": Rachael Ray. And, does anyone need Sandra Lee to teach us how to open packages?
-------------------------
People ask me all the time, "what do you think of Stephen Chow (Sing Chi)?", "why don't you review 'Shaolin Soccer' or 'Kung Fu Hustle'?", etc. Simple answer: I don't like him. Never have, never will. I feel somewhat the same about Jackie Chan, though Jackie belongs in a much higher echelon.
The common thread with both is that they are funny men who have benefitted from a comedy niche, and with all that popularity, they have been blessed with mega-budgets and power. And that in turn has given them near-complete dominance in today's very sad martial arts film universe. What they say, goes, and sells like wildfire, even when it is high-production value garbage.
All I can say is, it ain't about them. Not to people who have the discerning eye.
Special effects, loudness, laughs, severe undercranking, hot wire work, flying, and Yuen Woo Ping choreographed trickery do not disguise the fact that some stars (Chow, Chow Yan Fat, hell, Keanu Reaves) don't belong in the same breath as the real deal. Take away all of that expensive production, put them in an empty room. If you can't wow an audience that way, then get out of the way. Get out of the way for the guys who can---the Bruce Lees, the Donnie Yens, the Sammo Hungs, the Jet Li's.
Legions of great martial artists and martial performers in film as well as Chinese television---who build the foundation upon which freeloaders and band-wagon drivers are squatting---remain disrespected and unknown (relative to Chow and Jackie). To a person, these are the ones who could wipe the floor with Stephen Chow---and look good doing it.
Old school is the only school.
-------------------------
Not just one, but two, SBC commercials (one TV, one radio) feature Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight". I don't know which agency or creative team is responsible (nor do I really give a shit), but it is annoying, from the all-time overrated Clapton, the painfully tired dumb guy-scared-of-girlfriend-he-must-impress schticks, and the misuse of "Wonderful Tonight".
Clapton, a legendary pitiful head case and junkie, had an obsessive jones about Pattie Boyd, when Boyd was married to George Harrison. He penned the ferocious "Layla", about loving a married woman (Boyd). Eventually, Boyd left Harrison for Clapton, but the relationship soured. Clapton wrote "Wonderful Tonight" at the end of the affair, in an angry mood. Clapton himself said:
"Wonderful Tonight" has a little bit of irony in it. I didn't write it in a particular good mood. I wrote it because my wife was late getting ready to go out. I was in a foul temper about it." (Rolling Stone, 25 August 1988)
This irony was undoubtedly lost, to both the creative team as well as the SBC clients.
" Wonderful Tonight" is not a "tender ballad". It is not a love song. It is a hate song. Play the song for a woman, as the SBC (radio) commercial suggests, and you are telling her that you want to wring her neck.
As for Clapton, he's a hell of a guitarist, I'll grant him that. I won't even blast him for being a shameless commercial sellout (he and Santana share this trait), because, okay, he's got drug recovery clinics to fund. And I will refrain from cringing at the thought of hearing "Tears in Heaven" (which became sickening after, oh, the first time I heard it) again.
The problem with Clapton is that he is the Great White Hope of blues guitarists, and who has made a career out of aping and following (but never surpassing) the greater black blues guitar legends before him---Freddie King, Albert King, etc. etc. I think he himself will admit this, even if his fans don't (and have no clue about much). He is also not the greatest rock guitarist or greatest Brit guitar god, or the greatest Yardbird. (Jeff Beck is.)
posted by Ron Lim at 5:15 PM
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